so i've been (california) home for 3 days now, and i've got to admit the strangest thing about it is that its not strange at all. suddenly, its seems as if it was only yesterday that i said goodbye to all these people that i've missed so intensely. i'm making slow work of catching up with old friends though. i'm just not quite ready to dive back in to the swing of things, so i'm taking it slow.
i want to make on thing clear though. all of my anxieties about coming home directly stemmed from how much i loved being in prague. i love chico and the people i know there, although i could do without a little of the heat. : ) so my trouble with leaving prague doesn't mean that i'm any less happy to return here. yesterday i finally made it to chico to get some business taken care of, and it was so lovely cruising down tree-lined streets with the sun streaming through, and to encounter old friends around every turn. i wish i could have been biking, but those days will come soon.
now i've got to get finished packing up and out of my room so we can leave this old house, not that we're ready to.
xokatie

california i'm home and exhausted. i haven't got much energy right now, and i've just used most of it on emails, so here's one i wrote to ali that basically sums it up.

hey ali darling love
everything is weird. its feeling very strange. i feel like i'm here
getting ready to leave and like it was all this dream i had of how it
might go. everything here feels just like it did when i left and i
look out across the landscape and i pine for cobblestones and bridges.
prague is more home than this.
i want to come and see you and ma, but i'm tired of all these
encounters with acquaintances and "how was prague?"s. i can only say
"great! i loved it!" and it feels so empty and makes the whole
experience feel so trite and cheap. but where do i begin? it would
take hours and days and months. stacey's the only one whos gotten
details and if i stayed here any longer i'm sure she'd get annoyed.
i'm trying to just keep it in and not think about it, i think it will
come out easier in time, in bits and pieces that can be handled
delicately.
i wish you were coming to the airport, but i understand these things happen, and in
the scheme of things, its really okay. i might be able to come get
fro-yo from you, i mean, i'd love to, but the idea of entering that
city seems like a little much to handle at the moment. no one to say
dobry den to, no nashledanou.
but this is how life goes, stories always come and go. i'm sure soon
i'll be getting back into the swing of things and it will be easier.
of course, i can always start planning on how to go back but the
fact of the matter is that that time is over, that story is written,
and going back will be something else entirely. I mean, I will be
going back, but first, I need to learn to let go.
I'll see you soon darling,and I'll tell you everything.
Love Katie

Prague has been good to me lately. i met a boy named Petr and he said i can come live with him and his puppy Aura, or rather he demanded it. i always feel like i'm disappointing czech people once i actually befriend them. it goes from them practically pretending i dont exist to despairing over my impending departure. they will never believe me when i say i'll come back, which makes me want to prove it all the more. its a strange relationship that developes.
i'm trying not to think about my good friends here, and just spend the time with them that i can as they slowly depart. i'm trying to focus more on how to see them again, how to come back to prague again, and how nice it will be to see everyone at home. mostly i'm trying to be a little less dramatic about it all and enjoy it more.
when i get back i'll be in town for a week or so i think, and then i'm going on a road trip with my mom. i'll try my hardest to see everyone in that time, but i won't have much free time what with all the moving we're doing, so i might not see a lot of people until mid-late june. we can go have a beer when i do get back though and i'll tell you all about pilsner, staropramen and budvar and what you're missing with those silly american beers.

xokatie

the past few days here in prague have been filled with tears and clinging hugs. the hardest part is the moment i feel overwhelmed with the realization of how important these people have become to me. whispering "i'll miss you" into someone's ear and hating that there have been doubts up to the moment.
i knew i loved them, but i never realized how interconnected we'd become. its like we were gears interlocked, rotating and keeping each other moving and stabile through these past few months. now that everything is changing, people are leaving and we've all moved, i have a hard time even keeping myself steady. there have been more tear filled nights and tension in the air in the past week than maybe all semester.
at least now we've got no new goodbyes for a week or two, so hopefully we'll use them to the fullest.
now i need to go change my laundry and get to tyler's film premier on time.
xokatie

today i had my last classroom experience in prague and it was fantastic. Jan told us stories of Vaclav Havel and then adviced that appreciate all we have and love people. His last advice was that when someone bad comes along, we must be ready to stand up and fight-no delays. By someone bad he meant a Hitler or a McCarthy. He's probably one of those most amazing people I've ever met, and i'm greatful for his stories.
Class was followed by lunch at Pivovarsky Dum, aka the beer house. Its a lovely microbrewery with good food and amazing beer, unfiltered and unpasteurized. we had žirafs of beer, as in 4 pint glasses with a tap on the bottom to fill the table. a man came out and taught us the fundamentals of beer-brewing, but attention spans were running short after all the refills. It was sad to be hanging out with everyone as a group for the last time. some people are leaving town this weekend. but most of my friends will at least be in europe for a couple more weeks, which is nice. I've been feeling much more okay with the entired situation surrounding departure, it just comes up in moments, and i imagine it might possibly arise again when its closer. Mostly I've just been appreciating the fact that I've managed to make my way in this country, falling in love with it and creating some truly amazing friendships. These experiences are not any I'll soon forget, and they've helped me a lot as far as figuring out how to better relate to other people in my life, and as far as where i'm taking my life.

Everything I think and feel these days just seems so grandiose as i try to conclude whats come of this adventure. We'll see what comes of it. As for now, i'll just focus on appreciating those things that make me happy.

lovekatie

15 days to san diego

i'm so anxious lately that its hard to do anything. i worry about leaving and about getting things done and leaving people and missing people, and i worry so much that i just tense up and can't do much of anything. if i could just stop time for one day to let myself catch up, i think things would be better. i'm scrambling towards my departure and pushing it away at the same time. everyone's tired of my worries and i'm the most tired of them, but i can't make them stay away, i can't even suppress them because then they come out in my sleep. today i woke up breathless thinking i was back in my old apartment last semester and i'd just had a dream of what prague was like. i'm doing what i can to be rational about this, but sometimes i'm just a bit of an irrational person.

yesterday we went on a boat cruise down the Vltava, and it was wonderful. the food and drinks were free and Ronan played the harmonica on the top deck while we all clapped and smiled in the sunshine and cool breeze. this week is finals week, so classes are finishing up too. i just have 2 more classes to go to, and 2 more papers to finish and we're done. It will be nice to not have the added stress of school for a few weeks. My plan is to spend next week wandering the city and making sure to see anything i've missed so far, taking more pictures, and spending quality time with all my favorite people here in preparation for a final goodbye.

It WILL be good to go home. i look forward to reconnecting with friends at home and just figuring out my life.

now i'll get off the internet and do something about all these things swirling around my mind.

katie

things that i miss:
ali
sitting around with friends singing along to someone playing the guitar
biking around chico
spending the day at home relaxing and reading
being able to go home occasionally
chico state campus
farmer's market
the pageant
downtown chico
getting regular nights of sleep

life here is good, but it will be nice to have a little bit of home back next month. the frightening part is when the happy "i'm finally home" feelings wear off and the "i miss prague" feelings creep in.

i had this dream the other night that i was driving towards home in willows in my taurus and suddenly realized that i'd somehow been tricked into not knowing i was leaving prague. upon realizing this i reached my house and crashed into and refused to get out of the car as the realization washed over me that i could never go back to my prague. i was crying my eyes out into my steering wheel, and my parents came and opened the door and asked if i was hurt and i said i wasn't and they just said oh good, well we'll see you inside and closed the door. it was then that this intense fear hit me that no one cared that i'd been in prague all semester. i also suddenly realized that i'd forgotten all of my things in prague and my heart dropped and i felt empty all over.
next thing i knew, i was walking up this hill with my brother and he said "so what were you doing in prague?" and i told him i'd been living here and he said well what did you bring back? and i told him i'd forgotten everything, frantically trying to explain that it was an accident and that i'd loved prague and it was almost like home now. he basically just didn't believe i'd been there at all, or if i had it was unimportant because i didn't care or something. i just kept feeling more and more empty and sad and i went home and locked my myself into my bedroom and just cried and cried and felt lost. my prague home was lost forever and i felt like i'd taken it for granted and never cherished it enough. and now it seemed that what i'd thought was home was gone too. all the nostalgia i'd felt for it had overwhelmed the reality and life was just the way it was and i felt like i was falling, having lost the base beneath my feet, and every solid thing i've held on to was slipping away.
i woke up concerned and confused and not quite knowing what to do about it. everyone says its natural and my mind is just preparing for my return, but what a way to go back.
i've spend so much of my time in prague thinking about whether or not i'm getting the most out of this, and how i feel about home, that i just want to stop and enjoy it before its gone. its hard though, i didn't realize it before, but i'm a little terrified to leave what i've found here when even the things i love at home will be different, changed and changing.
i guess change is supposed to be good, but its also exhausting. i'd appreciate any thoughts from you if you've felt like this before, because i'm not sure what to expect or how to handle this. we're supposed to experience reverse culture shock i know, but maybe my fears are a little too irrational.

the closer these changes come the more i question them, but i think i've done well at making the most of new places in my life. so i'll try to question myself a little less and be a little more optimistic even when its hard, because life right now is amazing and i wouldn't want to miss every second for all the world.

katie

prague is most excellent these days. yesterday i went to cafe slavia to do some work on my presentation for emblematic reductions and spent most of the time gazing out the window across the vltava at Petrin Hill in all its blooming glory under the midday sun.
i'm going to have to snatch someone's camera so i can bring pieces of prague's green grass and sun, at least enough to rival my winter collection of prague hiding under the sparkling gray white.
i've been very busy though, with school and friends. our classes are wrapping up and people are even starting to pack to board airplanes next weekend. its going to hit me soon and its going to be rough.
right now i'm just trying to focus on getting by until i fly home though. money is running lower than i thought it could, and the dorms aren't even fully paid for. i'm trying to get a job at a coffee shop/bar, hard to do when you've only got 23 days, and i just got a call from a woman asking me to give an english lesson next tuesday. i've been waiting all semester to here from her, and she calls me the last week of classes. interesting. i dont know how much i get paid, but i'll take anything at the moment, and i'll have to look around for a grammar book as well, since the request is basic lessons in grammar and conversation.
hopefully that will give me enough to keep eating and buy a few more souvenir type items before california, here we come.

so katie

hey, here are some ( pictures )


from the five day trip i went on at the beginning of april. sorry they're a little big and out of order and they're all thanks to mary ann.


sam has some more good ones on her camera if i can ever get them from her...


i'll update more later.


cau cau,


Katie





ps-I'll be home in 27 days.

okay if you want to see something really great go here, here, here and here. hahaha
tyler made them.

barcelona! finally  (thanks to alex for the pictures)

notice my disgustingly red pink-eyes when i was sick in spain


Gaudi's Casa Battlo, maybe the coolest house ever


Gaudi's Sagrada Familia, the coolest church there ever was or will be


the Mediterranean


Gaudi's Parc Guell, possibly the best park ever. except there are no toys


in our Pension


at the national museum, overlooking barcelona

hello
i'm back from london, hot and tired. Seeing Emilie was most excellent, and i'm glad i got to see the famous london even though it was a rushed few days. I think i'm in love with the Tate Modern, its got to be my favorite museum ever, and the British museum is lovely too. London buses on the other hand, not so good. Last night we saw Mates of State at the London Windmill, a tiny little venue that took us forever to find. It was the last night of their tour, so they seemed kinda worn out and didn't even have a setlist, but those details actually ended up contributing to the evening, making it feel very comfortable, as it we were just a bunch of friends hanging out listening to them play some music.
Today I'm back in Prague. I've got class in an hour and then perhaps the Korean Film Festival to check out. The next few weeks should be somewhat hectic what with essays, finals, and emilie coming into town on saturday. its weird to be reaching the end, but i'm ready to finish up my classes and hang out for a few weeks before returning home. I'm a little stressed out about going home, as i've only got about a week to secure a job and a place to live. Which is tough since i'll be penniless, or rather in-debt. Paula just forwarded me information about a job opening up this fall though, so hopefully i can get that for when school starts again, because being on campus is great.
Now i've got to start figuring out what classes i'm registering for next semester.

miss you

katie

just to let you know, i'm still alive. i finally went to the doctor a few days ago, and he told me i should have come sooner. i've had a sinus infection for a while now, and apparently i've also developed induced asthma, bronchtis, and conjunctivitis. so he loaded me up with medicinations and told me to come back in ten days.
this week i am trying to rest and lie low until i leave to london on thursday. hopefully i'm feeling a lot better by then, otherwise it will be a rough weekend.
i'm getting very excited though, since i'll be seeing emilie for the first time since january!!! that will be lovely.
i really have been trying to get those pictures, but it just hasn't been working out. hopefully i can get them before i leave, and you all might have to wait till them to see them.
i'm coming home in May, as was originally planned, in case you haven't heard. unusual circumstances have arisen, and it is the best choice for me now.
anyway its getting late and i'm not typing very eloquently so i shall go.

dobrou noc (or goodnight, to you)
katie

ps-if its been a while since i've written and/or replied to you personally, don't take it the wrong way. i've just realized that i've been forgetting to reply to emails often, as i am usually thinking about too many things at once and receiving so much stuff in my inbox that i forget what is what and who. we'll straighten it out soon enough.

i arrived back in prague yesterday evening, and its so good to be home. traveling was great, but exhausting. i don't think i've got it in me to live out of a pack and be on the move every day; i'm more into being able to live on my own relaxed schedule, and come home to the same bed each night. we've got some great pictures, as soon as we find a way to hook cameras up to the computer, so i might be able to post some of those later today or tomorrow.


anyway, for now i've got to go do some laundry. its been weeks since my clothes were washed what with constantly traveling. i hope everyone is well and enjoying the springtime and sunshine. if you go to chico state, you ought to check out www.devlindonnelly.com if you haven't already, and you should definately vote for devlin as AS President on April 13th-14th, because i think he would do an excellent job. He's an awesome person, incredibly intelligent, talented, and fun. He would certainly do anything in his power to help the students. so good luck dev, and i'll talk to you all later.
cau, katie

yesterday i boarded a bus at 7:30 am, and 3 hours later climbed off in what seemed like the middle of nowhere in southern bohemia. a short walk led us to a field and a bit of forest which apparently was the site of a wooden Celtic castle around 2000 years ago. an interesting concept, but not much to see. Jan kindly offered us 5 minutes to "find our spirituality," and then we headed off through the woods, down a rocky trail, until we finally reached a creek and looked up to see the crumbling remains of an old gothic castle. now that was a site to see. we got to climb around it for a half hour or so and took pictures that i can post later.
next we reboarded the bus and soon arrived in Cesky Krumlov, a lovely little town. it seemed somewhat like a mini prague, what with the river running through it and its fairy-tale appearance. we spent the afternoon wandering the streets and then got to tour the castle there which i'm quite sure is my favorite castle that i've seen thus far. i love the variety of decor in the rooms from the different occupiers, especially the ones in the Rococo style. after the castle, we met for a czech dinner and then mary ann, samantha and i rushed off to a ska show that we'd seen a flyer for. you may have been under the impression that ska is dead, but its alive and well in cesky krumlov. there was a curious mix of people there, from around age 12 to early 30s i'd say, and they were all loving it. so we got home late and woke up early this morning to climb on the bus and head for vienna. around 4 hours later we arrived and walked around the Schönbrunn Palace grounds and then through the city for a few hours. I had no idea it was such and big city, and so far i've found it quite lovely. tomorrow we're going to check out a mondrian exhibit and walk around some more and then we're off to budapest.
when i get back to prague i'll post a few pictures, and a few from barcelona if i can get a hole of them, since i'm getting rather lazy in my descriptions. i hope all is well in your neck of the woods.
katie

so yesterday i wandered around Parc Güell, lounged on la Playa de Barceloneta, ate a free 23euro meal, took a bath, and slept in a real bed in a nice hotel. apparently its a very good thing when your flight is unexpectedly cancelled.

today i'm finally back in Prague, and i've got just enough time to wash my clothes, write an essay, and pack for our USAC trip to Vienna, Budapest and Bratislava. Then i'm going to sleep nice and early since we're leaving at something like 7:00am and i could definately use some rest at home after all this traveling.

its so good to be hearing Czech again.

spain is really nice, but i keep getting sicker and i'm mostly ready to go home, see the doctor, and sleep. we've seen some really awesome things though, like Dali's Teatre-Museo in Figueres, and this band sing ¨Like a Rolling Stone¨ in Catalunyan, which is awesome. barcelona is warm and lively, which is a great contrast to prague, but when you´re sick you mostly just want to be where there is a doctor you can see, and people you know. le sigh.

hola
so barcelona is okay so far. its been in the high 50´-60´s which is GREAT, but there´s been a chill in the air except while it was sunny yesterday. today and last night were really humid though, which is never too nice, but my sickness is clearing up faster than it ever has in prague! well except the pinkeye i look like i´m getting today. hopefully its just some redness from irritation or something. yesterday, rebecka and i went on the tour de moderisme, and saw a lot of modernist architecture on our self-guided tour, mainly Gaudi´s work. it made me realize that i love Gaudi better than any other architect i´ve ever seen the work of, and that he was just an awesome person. we spent a couple hours wandering around la Sagrada Familia, which you should DEFINATELY see if you ever get the chance. that place is amazing. its been a work in progress since 1881, and Gaudi put 43 years of his life into it before he died. now, various architects and lots of workers are trying to finish it according to his elaborate plans. every element of the design is this fantastic marriage of nature and fantasy, and it is a joy to see. i hope i can see it finished before i die, but mainly i´m glad to have gotten to see the creation of something like that at all.
besides that walk, we´ve wandered old town, and seen a museum of spanish relgious art and the Museu de Picasso. The Picasso museum was very interesting, because we got to see the progression through styles throughout his life. there were a lot of small paintings he did on wooden tablets from when he was like 7 or 8, that he donated after his parents had died. its ridiculous how many drastically he changed his style at different points in his life. they also had about 40 pieces of his ceramic work that Jacqueline Picasso donated after his death. I never knew picasso did ceramics, but mainly they´re plates and bowls and pitchers with crazy faces, devils, and bulls on them. such a strange strange man.
we haven´t had any crazy nights out in spain that i´ve heard so much about, but thats probably because i´ve been sick and trying to get over it quickly, and we do so much walking during the day that we´re rather tired at night. we need to pick up on the siesta plan. today we checked out of the lame hostel that we were at though, and into an awesome pension. its a cute little room with a bathroom and a balcony over a lovely little lane, and we´re thrilled! now we have a place that feels like home. right now i´m waiting for alex to arrive, because his plane was delayed.
okay, gotta go, my computer time is almost over.
cau
katie

today i feel a little under the weather, so i should be resting, because tomorrow morning i leave to spain! yay. i was hoping for 7 days in the sun, but the forecast looks like cloudly with showers all week. that's slightly disappointing, but i'm happy to be going all the same.
hopefully someone i'm going with has a camera so i can get some pictures from the trip.
we shall see, we shall see.
katie

Prague!
Who has seen but once
will hear her name
always ringing in his heart.
She is herself a song woven into time
and we love her.
So let her ring!

My first happy dreams
glittered above her rooftops
like flying saucers
and vanished God knows where
when I was young.

Once I pressed my face
against the stone of an ancient wall
somewhere below the Castle forecourt,
and in my ear, suddenly,
sounded a gloomy booming.
That was the roar of bygone centuries.
But the moist, soft soil
of the White Mountain
was whispering gently in my ear.

Go forth, you'll be enchanted.
Sing out, they're waiting.
And don't lie!

I went and did not lie.
And to you, my loves,
only a little.

-Jaroslav Seifert
(To Be a Poet, 1983)